15 Waters That Must Be Stopped

1. Maple water.

Wait, does it taste like pancakes?? I'm in if it tastes like pancakes.

2. Whole Foods' $6 asparagus water.

*whispers* does it still make your pee smell

3. This artichoke water named "Arty."

Go home, Arty, you're drunk.

4. Cactus water.

I prefer that other cactus water: tequila.

5. $65 "Dirty Lemon" water infused with charcoal.

I just...no.

6. OGO oxygen water.

After a long workout, I really want only a Christmas tree ornament's worth of hydration.

7. "Hawaiian volcanic" water.

For the person who sneers at Fiji.

8. Birch water.

I guess all the trees moved to San Francisco and decided to start their own waters.

9. Black water.

Goth AF.

10. Aloe water.

If it's going to be aloe, it needs pulp.

11. Balance water for women.

It could only be better if it came with a husband who ~actually~ helps out around the house! haha amirite ladies

12. Boxed water.

Good for the environment, but bad for my desire to not punch someone in the eye.

13. Almond water.

Turning almonds into water has to be the root of the California drought, right?

14. Glace rare iceberg water.

Just try to drink it without thinking about Leo and Kate.

15. And... Boston water?

In Philly they call it "wooder."